Dandelion Meadow
(A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.)
Angry Customer: “Damn f**s.”
Gay Man: “Excuse me?”
Angry Customer: “You heard me, you little s***. Let’s not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you’re going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I’ve got freedom of speech.”
Gay Man: *quietly* “Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?”
Angry Customer: “Human? Listen up, what you’re doing is not human. I think I have the right to determine what I think is human.”
(The manager shows up. He’s a quiet Italian man who I assume is conservative due to the Christian imagery and portrait of Reagan he keeps around the restaurant.)
Angry Customer: *to the owner* “Hey, can you move either them or us to another table?”
(Instead of responding to the angry customer, the owner instead speaks to his wife.)
Owner: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we have a strict ‘no pets’ policy in my restaurant.”
Wife: “Uh, I, uh, what? I don’t have a—”
Owner: “Well, according to your talking monkey over here, I can determine who’s a human and who’s not. You bring an animal into my restaurant; I gotta assume it’s your pet.”
(The angry customer storms out. When I left, the owner was giving his description, and copies of security camera footage, to the biggest crowd of police I’ve seen. Apparently it’s a bad idea to not pay your bill at a restaurant that gives free coffee to cops.)

thiddybatch:

“Part of the backstory we created was that Frigga was really the most attentive to Loki when he was a child. And Odin didn’t really know how to connect. He connected much more with Thor. They were sort of cut from the same cloth. And Frigga and Loki had this kind of beautiful, sensitive, more artistic relationship. And it was actually her who taught him all his magic.”

Are you the SAT because I’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes with a 10 minute break halfway through for snacks, and then I can stare at you for like 10 minutes and think ‘wow, I hope I don’t ruin this.’
Dude on OKC with the best pick up lines I have ever heard (via katamarang)
amazign:

djprincessk:

stop-hammerkind:

srsfunny:

Glass Blower: Sculpting A Horse From Molten Glass

WHAT

#this bitch just said let there be horse and there was

i thought this was a gif of a man fighting a giant angry slug

amazign:

djprincessk:

stop-hammerkind:

srsfunny:

Glass Blower: Sculpting A Horse From Molten Glass

WHAT

#this bitch just said let there be horse and there was

i thought this was a gif of a man fighting a giant angry slug

"better get off Tumblr now"

disneyismyescape:

bacon-and-cute-butts:

image"but wait what is that?!"

so accurate it hurts

agirlnamedagnes:

This is what my husband and I purchased at the grocery store the other day.

We don’t have kids.

We are adults. We pay bills.
And drink water from a whale.

xbustedxmcflyx:

xotwjonasxo:

forever reblog

supportive boyfriends

thekumazone:

Owls may be symbols of wisdom, but they’re actually complete morons

kyrafic:

madaras-lower-parts:

supersaiyanswagga:

That moment when you’re reading a fic and your OTP finally hooks up

image

That gif is literally perfect

No lies detected.